Friday, November 16, 2007
How much is too much?
Ok, so I have this wonderful friend. I admire him in so many ways. Example: he is always trying to better himself by looking at his life, goals, and behaviors to see what he can improve. He is also very attentive to the feelings of others, in fact, I believe this is one of his main goals- to focus only on what people around him want/need/feel. He is the kind of friend everyone should have and strive to be. He recently said something to me that he believes hurt my feelings and due to my reaction, would seem to be a correct analysis, but is however, incorrect. All he said was a simple statement of flattery to me. It was very sweet and I, instead of being flattered and accepting his compliment, turned and walked away. I can see how this would be confusing. Usually when a person compliments a friend, it is a positive situation in which everyone benefits: the "complimentor" feels good that he or she noticed a good quality in someone else and had the courage to say it, and the "complimentee" feels good about being praised for a personal quality. Everyone's happy. But no, not with me. I turn on my "complimentor" and cause him pain and confusion with my reaction and when he tries to get a reason for my behavior I just say "I don't know" and forgive him. Forgive him!!?? For what?? Complimenting me?? What is wrong with me? I should be the one apologizing! He did nothing wrong. I am the one who is sorry and needs forgiveness. I am sorry. I wish I could explain why his compliment made me so uncomfortable. I think it is because when anyone says anything good about me, I automatically think/know they must be lying or exaggerating because no one could actually think that of me. It probably stems from a bad self-image. Also, and I think this is the bigger reason, I feel like when someone else is unceasingly complimentary, it in turn puts them down. This is what I can't explain. I just felt like when he said what he did, he was reminding me that I did not give the same compliment to him, which I know was not his intention, and he was putting me on a pedestal I did not deserve. You are better than me and you already have qualities most people will never even realize they should strive for. Please know that in the future, if ever I stupidly turn my back on your compliments, it is only because I feel I don't deserve it and I'm the one who should be complimenting you. This is my flaw and I'm sorry it caused you pain or confusion... or both. I am truly truly sorry, I am the one who needs change.
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1 comment:
I'm not putting you on a pedestal, I'm keeping you there. You have no reason to be sorry. I'm glad you acted the way you felt. I say what I really think, not just what I think you want to hear. complimenting for the sake of complimenting doesn't help much. Most people think the same things I do about you, they're just embarrassed to say them.
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