Relationship(wreck)

I've been thinking a lot about relationships and how lucky I am to not have tons of past failed relationships. I am not talking strictly romantic relationships but friendships and relatives also. While these are good learning experiences, I believe in my case I have learned from the many VERY GOOD relationships I have had as opposed to the few bad ones. Instead of learning what I don't want and how NOT to act in dealing with others, I have had GOOD examples of what SHOULD happen in successful relationships. It really is a much easier way to learn things and probably has a lot less heartache. Something important I have realized is the truth of the statement "True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the well being of one's companion" by the Prophet Gordon B. Hinkley. While it is truly up to you the feelings and reactions you choose to have to any given situation, in a good relationship, it is also truly up to you to have an anxious concern for that person and their feelings toward a situation. Here is one way of looking at an ideal relationship: Each person decides individually for them self that they have 100% control over the way he/she chooses to feel about something and acts as though the success of that relationship depends solely on him/her, AND each party takes it upon his/herself for the happiness and success (anxious concern) of the other person. That way by your powers combine I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!!!....no just kidding but you really would have 200% combined effort in the happiness and success of the relationship. These are just a few of my thoughts.

I'm home now.

Somehow it doesn't seem right. I always go through this period of "void" after finals where I know I should have feelings for something but I don't have them. There are so many feelings to have and I don't have any. This is the first phase. The next phase is the opposite where I have too many feelings for everyone and everything. I'm not looking forward to this phase because I usually end up crying and I hate crying. This time I have good reason for crying too. fAmiLY. They are the cause and reason for our greatest happiness and our greatest sorrows. WHY? Because we love them and when family hurts, we hurt. Someday I'll understand.

FINALS

Yea Yea Yea!!

The snow can be fun!! I had no idea. I did something yesterday that I can now cross off my life-list.
-Make cute generic snowman with carrot nose and top hat. CHECK.
I found out that having the right equipment can make snow/cold enjoyable. Waterproof boots. Warm coat. gloves. Who knew. I guess it took a couple years for me to learn that, and a roommate from Denver with snow galoshes.
I feel like I haven't really expressed or exercised my writing creativity on this blog in a long time and I should but I don't really have the desire. School has sucked every last bit of creative thinking out of me because all I do is shove my brain full of very relevant information (HA!) and then spit it back out on paper. So this is all I have and for right now it's good enough.

I made it!!

Grateful things:
1) warm(er) wheather
2) Mom
3) family
4) babies
5) Good people
6) Food
7) no school

How much is too much?

Ok, so I have this wonderful friend. I admire him in so many ways. Example: he is always trying to better himself by looking at his life, goals, and behaviors to see what he can improve. He is also very attentive to the feelings of others, in fact, I believe this is one of his main goals- to focus only on what people around him want/need/feel. He is the kind of friend everyone should have and strive to be. He recently said something to me that he believes hurt my feelings and due to my reaction, would seem to be a correct analysis, but is however, incorrect. All he said was a simple statement of flattery to me. It was very sweet and I, instead of being flattered and accepting his compliment, turned and walked away. I can see how this would be confusing. Usually when a person compliments a friend, it is a positive situation in which everyone benefits: the "complimentor" feels good that he or she noticed a good quality in someone else and had the courage to say it, and the "complimentee" feels good about being praised for a personal quality. Everyone's happy. But no, not with me. I turn on my "complimentor" and cause him pain and confusion with my reaction and when he tries to get a reason for my behavior I just say "I don't know" and forgive him. Forgive him!!?? For what?? Complimenting me?? What is wrong with me? I should be the one apologizing! He did nothing wrong. I am the one who is sorry and needs forgiveness. I am sorry. I wish I could explain why his compliment made me so uncomfortable. I think it is because when anyone says anything good about me, I automatically think/know they must be lying or exaggerating because no one could actually think that of me. It probably stems from a bad self-image. Also, and I think this is the bigger reason, I feel like when someone else is unceasingly complimentary, it in turn puts them down. This is what I can't explain. I just felt like when he said what he did, he was reminding me that I did not give the same compliment to him, which I know was not his intention, and he was putting me on a pedestal I did not deserve. You are better than me and you already have qualities most people will never even realize they should strive for. Please know that in the future, if ever I stupidly turn my back on your compliments, it is only because I feel I don't deserve it and I'm the one who should be complimenting you. This is my flaw and I'm sorry it caused you pain or confusion... or both. I am truly truly sorry, I am the one who needs change.

catchup or ketchup

This was our tea party in the Wilkonson center.
Here is our ace of hearts.
YEeessss, your majesty.
This is my halloween.